her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
