No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
