Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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