Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
