I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
