White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
