my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
