Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
