Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
