I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
