happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
