hotel room ftw
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
