Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
