did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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