I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
