If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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