I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
