I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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