He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
