See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
