Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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