he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
