Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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