Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
