I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize