Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
