It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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