Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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