I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
