mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
