it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
