Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
