You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
