she looked like the before picture.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
