We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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