i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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