The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He has the fingertips of a God
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
