Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
