Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
