You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
