Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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