Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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