please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize