Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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