He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
