Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
