So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
