I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry about my life...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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