Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys