Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men