I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
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The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.