And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
