you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
