So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
