great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
