i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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