I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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