someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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