What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
