I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
