okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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