i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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