My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
