No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
