I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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