If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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