i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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