Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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