Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
