Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
