i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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