no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
