you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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