It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
