is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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