Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
