This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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