You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
