some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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